Aftermath

It's only been seven weeks since the start of my alcohol experiment. Three weeks since surgery. I will have to spend a total of six weeks on crutches. That's right math geniuses, three weeks to go.

Slowing down really takes it out of you. There's been a lot of reflection, including the November month of gratitude. And insomnia. Not sure why. Meds are probably off.

I think it's time to call an end to this experiment. After all, my "normal" has changed. I rarely leave the house.

I've definitely cut back on the number of days that I drink alcohol. Here are my takeaways.

Boredom
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Ah, the key to drinking at home. And sometimes going out. I'd get home from work, be exhausted and have nothing else to do. Cook, open a bottle of wine, watch TV. Planning is the new boredom. Man I thought I was bored until I had to spend 4 weeks trying to get comfortable FROM TEARING MY HAMSTRING OFF THE BONE. 2017 will bring some outside programs that will mean I will be busy!

Food
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I forget to eat. I've discovered I can't have alcohol on an empty stomach. 
I found this link to the UK's guidelines. I've started having a meal before I go to the pub and have the first drink. I have nibbles with my wine while I'm cooking. I get full and drink slower. Also the food slows the absorption of the alcohol.

Pain and Discomfort
Since I'm off the pain meds, the wine has made things a little bit easier. This is something I need to watch out for. 
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Well, not this actual guy on the diving board.

The need to stay social
Gotta watch that clock! Sometimes, you want to stay, but it's time to go home!! I'm perfectly ok with being at home on a Friday or Saturday, so time to plan some early nights. Alternately, I could skip happy hour, eat dinner at home and then go catch up.

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Wait, maybe the last reference should be:

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Can always give it a shot.

Well it's the silly season, so one can't be too hard on one. I like that the crutches are likely to come off just after new year. I get to start over!

As much as I love that I live in Tassie now, 2016 was a SMH year. It's gone fast, but man, did I pack a lot into that 12 months! I'm tipping 2017 to be a year that will "go to plan."

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Yup, not even the Seventh Son of the Lama is buying that one.

Reparation

Surgery. My favourite pastime! Why do I keep picking the weird things? Why can't I just get a mole cut off? Or contract something contagious?

Well I thought it would be fairly easy NOT to have alcohol leading up to surgery on last Friday. Then the boredom set in.

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After the big cricket weekend, my legs were tired of compensating for the torn hamstring I'd suffered 2 weeks earlier, but I was determined to wrap up some loose ends at work before the surgery to repair ALL THREE HEADS OF MY HAMSTRING TORN OFF THE BONE!

#EFFINGHAMSTRING

I managed a few hours to prepare for 2 weeks out of work on Monday. On Tuesday, I was gifted with fresh food by a mate going out of town, and of course a couple bottles of wine. For my troubles. And pain. We drank one together and I opened another. For the record, the second one did NOT need to be opened. It really tasted GOOOOOOD. And I was really BOOOOOOOORED. Besides, for a week, I'd been looking at stuff like this:

Seriously? How much can a person take? When I get back on my feet, I'm going to start working on much bigger stuff. Stuff that makes a difference. Theatre, outdoors, writing, photography along with my work skills should be able to make a dent, right?

Ok, I finished that bottle on Wednesday and was good on Thursday night because, you know, surgery on Friday. Let's not be hungover for surgery. Wouldn't want to sleep through it or anything.

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I had to fast from 8am and be at hospital at 2pm. I was #5 of 5 on the ortho's schedule. I had time to go to my private room, changed into the luverly gown the hospital provided. Stared out the window. Watched TV. Annoyed Kurt with my Facebook posts. Catering came through and rolled her eyes at me and declared "SAMMICH!" when I said I hadn't been to surgery yet. Watched more TV.

Finally at 7:30pm, they came to get me. I watched the surgeon mark the correct hip, and then felt panic as I started to succumb to the anaesthesia without telling a really good joke. It was about 8pm.

I woke up around 11 being wheeled back to the room. I'm pretty sure it was the growl of my empty stomach that woke me up. Of course, I'm looking forward to this SAMMICH! Now I don't expect this to be the best SAMMICH! in the world. In fact, I'm hoping for a bit of ham, cheese, mayo on slightly dried out white bread with a tiny piece of wilted lettuce, that's basically been sitting at the nurses station since I smelled dinner come through at 6:30. But I be like:

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Did I get my #EFFINGHAMSTRINGSAMMICH? Nope. Night Nurse Camille (and she was brilliant) decided I needed to try a biscuit first. The kind of biscuit that dissolves in tea, but not in your mouth. The kind you give to babies. 

Seriously? I haven't eaten in 16 hours and you want me to eat a baby biscuit??

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GIVE ME THE #EFFINGHAMSAMMICH!

I'm actually surprised I didn't make myself sick wolfing down that biscuit so I could get that SAMMICH! 

And it finally arrived!! 

It wasn't even all HAM! It was 4 different multi-catering sammiches! One part veggie/ salad, one part ham, one part egg salad and one part indescribable meat. I only managed Parts 1 and 2. But I made them leave it in case brekky was late. Or horrible. Or both.

The pain meds arrived and I floated in and out of sleep for a couple hours, but much noise in the hallway kept me awake, and Brilliant Night Nurse Camille had to check on me every hour. Then she brought me earplugs and I slept through the next two.

Around 6 it got busy enough to be awake and by 8 brekky arrived and by 10 Ryan the physio. Georgia the Day Nurse said I was getting out if I could master the steps, so I raced on the crutches down to the steps and Ryan cleared me with flying colours.

Finally got a decent meal by using the crutches to beg a restaurant to serve us brekky after noon.

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Went home to start the healing. Day 3 completed and so far:

• Getting around on well-adjusted crutches
• Christmas shopping online!
• No alcohol has been consumed since Wednesday
• Only 5 prescription pain pills
• Pain is bearable, though I can tell my other muscles are compensating
• Finished 1st season of Gilmore girls - again (x 5)
• Normal "routine"
• Lying in bed is more comfortable than sitting
• Already sick of pre-cooked food
• Bored panda.....

I reckon by Friday, I be like:

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It's been one month since my birthday and the start of this experiment. In some respects it feels like a year has gone by. I think the experiment will continue. I'll always be looking for better balance. I've got a few weeks to make adjustments. Sometimes the world just tells you to slow down.

Devastation

I've sometimes gone to extreme lengths to justify my behaviour, but Sweet Baby Jesus in a Monkees t-shirt singing Daydream Believer at Blundstone Arena, I think I've overcooked it this time!

Here I was getting along really well with my teetotaling. Feeling comfortable, optimistic, then Tuesday this happens:

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Well, it didn't go exactly like that. And BeeTeeDub, that's "Aunt" Ethel (Zim)Merman taking one for the team. I wish she'd been there on Tuesday to take one for me!

But after a month of nursing a hamstring injury, I finally, duly and spectacularly, RIPPED IT FROM THE BONE with a thunderous sound reminiscent of the time they peeled Letterman in a velcro suit off this wall:

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After I choked back the bile and the urge to black out, I summoned some friends and co-workers to get me to the Emergency Department. 

We did an ultrasound for the damage, and an x-ray to determine if any bone had been detached. The consensus prior to the orthopaedic surgeon arriving was that I'd torn one or two of the three heads of my hamstring AWAY FROM THE BONE! 

They were however baffled that I didn't have any bruising or swelling. Not that they offered me anything. At all. NOT EVEN AN ICEPACK, GRANT! Eventually I was offered pain meds that make me vomit. I declined.

I felt like a Christmas ham. Eventually, the ortho came and said I needed an MRI to confirm the diagnoses, but that SURGERY WAS NECESSARY. The MRI was scheduled for 9PM that night. WTF Tasmania? Maybe we only have one MRI machine in the whole state, so they have to run it 24/7? Is that it, poorest state in the Commonwealth?

By the time I left the ED I could put weight on the leg, despite only taking Nurofen. I asked for a booze stop on the way home, just in case. There was no need that night, and I went to sleep with my icepack.

Then, Wednesday, this happened:

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I did what any anti-homophobic, inclusive feminist would do: 

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Till that sucker was dry!

Mate came down from Sydney to watch the cricket on Thursday. We ran around most of the day Friday taking advantage of someone to drive me. Including the ortho who booked in the following Friday to repair, not ONE not TWO but THREE HEADS of the hamstring. I am nothing if not thorough!

Doc said I could do what I felt like doing up to the surgery. So we decided to hit the town on Friday:

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And cricket on Saturday. By public transport. On crutches. With rain forecast. And 10C/ 50F. And beer. 

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By 3pm I was gutted, and ready to put the leg up. It was a great "last bash" before 2-3 weeks recovery from surgery FOR TEARING MY HAMSTRING OFF THE BONE.

I'll stay dry for the next week leading up to surgery.

Takeaways

1. injuries trump no sobriety - I'll let you fill in the capitals and punctuation.
2. Sometimes a night on the town is good.
3. Cricket = beer. Queues and mid-strength make it hard to overdo it.
4. Pain meds mean no need for alcohol. When do I get them?
5. Don't make decisions when you've detached muscle from bone AND a sociopath is elected leader of the free-world.

A Shaky Start

So I've managed to get through an entire week without drinking any alcohol. For me, it's not about "none" its about "when" "how much" and what to do instead.

This is the week that was 31 October - 6 November 2016.

Day 7 - Monday 

Started well. Managed to get to yoga class; the best one I've attended in Tassie yet. Even though the work day was still weighing on me after the class, I managed to only crack open the bottle of fake wine.

Day 8 - Tuesday

Melbourne Cup day. It is the single biggest "piss up" day in Australia. For a horse race. Like the Kentucky Derby, but a lot less classy. With more booze. Don't believe it? Have a look:

Credit: Michael Dodge/ Getty Images

I didn't have the honour of attending this year, and not sure I'd ever need to again. It just shows what's happened to our culture. Getting pissed/ smashed/ drunk/ hammered is a way of life. It's so easy to get sucked into the "I deserve it, because I work so hard" or the peer pressure of "go on, have another, you're not driving!"

You know what I deserve? Not to have a photo of me like this appear on the internet:

Credit: Jason Edwards

Where's the dignity? Where's your discipline? Self-control? It's Orwell's 1984! It's Bolshevik Russia! It's Proverbs 31:1-7. 

The Words of King Lemuel (from his mother)
…5For they will drink and forget what is decreed, And pervert the rights of all the afflicted. 6Give strong drink to him who is perishing, And wine to him whose life is bitter. 7Let him drink and forget his poverty And remember his trouble no more.…

I don't want to spend the time in my days that I can control with a mish-mash of mind, and waste it not fulfilling my dreams.

But let's be clear: On Tuesday, I drank alcohol. My original theory was I could hang out, have a couple drinks, drive home and all would be ok. BUT I caught up with friends who had been drinking all day. AND I had an epically disgusting day at work. SO I tried to catch up. AND I did.

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Ok, not EXACTLY like Dita...

Obviously I wasn't ready to take extreme work baggage to a place where the alcohol was flowing and everyone was already well-soused.

One thing that is become clearer to me: alcohol takes away more than it gives me.

So I know that AA says you start over with Day 1 "being sober." But this is an experiment, not an intervention. I may decide I need that intervention later, but not yet. I'm going to continue my numbers until I end the experiment.

Days 9-11 Wednesday - Friday

Executed new plan at work. Talked to Kitchen Guy. Beginning to think the work situation was the drama. Blah blah. 

Friday night volunteered at the Hobart Repertory Theatre. Watched theatre like a boss.

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Opportunity to stay and drink with cast and crew, but opted out. Early breakfast for volunteer opportunity #2: Open House Hobart. 

Day 12 Saturday

Planned to get up early and attend volunteer breakfast, but body said no. Apparently "not drinking" makes me tired. ???? Actually felt like a had a hangover, but hadn't touched alcohol in 3 days!!  Very sluggish, could be pulled hamstring (a month now) and not compensating with cortisol.

Volunteered at Princes Park Magazine, the place where they kept the gun-powder in Battery Point (for the battery of guns, get it?). Afterward met some friends in town for lunch and then quick home to change.

About 4, I decided to head out to the property. By the time I got home, I had to take a nap! No joke, this is exhausting!

Quiet night at home exhausted. No fake wine.

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Day 13 Sunday

Managed to get to markets, and other errands. By noon, was clearing weeds in the garden, by 2 planting, and by 4 was ready for a reward. And missing seeing my friends.

Watching the cricket turned out to be disappointing, so I popped into my mate's house for a wine. Yup. Turns out Sunday arvo/ evening is the perfect time for 1 glass of wine. It was technically 3 half glasses, as I stopped the extreme pours. I'd had an amazingly satisfying day, and that 180ml or whatever of wine was exactly what I wanted. It was a completely different scenario to Tuesday.

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I went home, cooked dinner, cleaned up the guest room for next weekend and prepared for the week. No fake wine, no headache, no overindulgence. I had complete control and it was awesome.

It's not something I will do every day, as in reward myself for a good day. I rewarded myself with my mates AND shared a wine with them.

Takeaways

I'm gonna call this 1W and 1L with alcohol this week. But the good news is I only needed to go 2 rounds. Things I've learned:

1. Wine is a sometimes food.
2. Having goals helps make better choices.
3. I'm not ready to mix alcohol and bad times; and if there's any doubt, then it's a bad time!

With Bestie in town next weekend, I'll have to really plan ahead, but I'll have no problem getting to Friday.

Til next week, Cheers!

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The First Week

On 23 October, 2016, I declared that I would stop alcohol for an unspecified amount of time. Below is the progress from Week 1.

Day 1 Day 0
I'm actually taking this as a good thing. Remember that awesome bottle of wine I was using as my final wine o'clock? Well I'd already had 2 glasses out of it over the weekend, and there were three left. With my new declaration, I really wasn't enjoying it at the end of the second glass, so the final drops sat in that bottle overnight.

And sat.

And sat.

So Monday, a little motivation ensued. If I completed 3 tasks after work, I could enjoy those final mouth-watering ruby-red drams.

1. Walk - anywhere, for as long as I wanted
2. Meditate for at least 5 minutes (easy for a 9 year yoga practitioner)
3. Finish my tax return (due on 31 October in Australia)

It was about 13C/ 55 F with a bit of a brisk wind. I bundled up and walked for an hour along the foreshore of the Derwent River. Mt Wellington had a dusting of snow on Sunday, and the cloud still covered what remained. Encountered the sweet male duck trying to awaken its dead mate.

Upon returning home, I was a bit invigorated by the walk, but turned towards calming my mind. Meditating is much easier in yoga class with someone else telling you to still your thoughts. Change takes practice, and 5 minutes was enough this time. The dramas of the day were gone, and I focused on dinner and my taxes.

By 9:30 they were finished, and I enjoyed the satisfaction of that last glass of glorious red. 

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The real work starts tomorrow, but I'm ready, with a good practice day under my belt.

Day 1 Tuesday 

A tough one at work, with a lot of stress and not an easy path to find my way through it.

Started thinking about how I give all my good, thinking, hard-working, accomplishing hours to someone else, for their dreams. Surely, that's not right. I was exhausted by 3 o'clock, with still 2 hours and a few more tasks to complete for the day. By the time I stopped by the supermarket and got home, I was done. I did the only sane thing I could do: I opened the fake wine.

A spanish Sav Blanc with 0% alcohol. I know change is going to take time. Bit by bit. I'm happy I bought a mixed case of no-alcohol wine - everything from whites, roses, reds and sparklings! I'll use that to satisfy my craving.

But today's hangover is from work. The stress may have won today, but the alcohol didn't. Hmm. Might have to eliminate work!

Day 2 Wednesday

"Hump" day. Busy day at work, got a few things done.

After work, I watched a documentary on the UK's new recommended alcohol limits Found here.

Key notes that I found different:

• Men can no longer have more "units" than women; recommended is no more than 14 units (35ml of spirit) per week
• Have at least 2 days per week alcohol-free
• Eating does have a profound effect on alcohol absorption
• Women over 55 are the only group who saw benefits from alcohol; lower risk of heart disease from 2 drinks per week. (The article includes men, but that was not in the documentary.)

Some things to take away for my pondering.

Day 3 Thursday

Thursday was another tough day at work. I was beat and went home to watch the Bachelorette. More fake wine was enjoyed!

Day 4 Friday

Big big plans to don my saree and head to a Diwali celebration! Absolutely ready to get my Bollywood on!

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Managed to get there without any alcohol! But alas, the food was sold out! No dosa for me! It was cold, and for the first time, I was actually tempted...

But I went home and watched a movie instead! With, you guessed it! Fake wine!

Day 5 Saturday

The first real test! Dinner at a mates! When I arrived, there were 6 bottles on the bench, and only 5 people for dinner. One was already drinking beer.

It was ok. I stuck to flavoured mineral water. Some discussions where I could see the alcohol affecting people, but I stood my ground.

Another situation where I could have limited to 3-4 glasses in 5 hours, and still drove home. Getting to understand that the key is to drink water between wine glasses.

Day 6 Sunday

The biggest trial so far! The Black Sorrows at a pub in the middle of the afternoon! 
Took a mate who supplies me in wine,
To finish the week without a drink! said fine. 
Drank $6 soda and limes, 
And that, my friends, totally rhymes. :-)

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But I didn't really enjoy the music. I mean I did, but I was aware that so many people were around; that I needed space. Alcohol has always helped with crowds. I moved here because Sydney was too crowded, and I don't like feeling closed in. Maybe I found another thing to work on, or maybe, just maybe, this is one thing I'm happy to use alcohol with. Big crowds so I can enjoy the music. Not a frequent thing. 

I've pretty much always been that way with festivals and big standing-only venues. And there's always been alcohol where ever there is music. So now I know why.

Recap

SIX DAYS STRAIGHT WITHOUT ALCOHOL! (and still going). I did reasonably well considering the stress from work. Going through a bit of transition at the moment, so it's to be expected.

Takeaways from this week: 

• There will always be times when I can drink, but not necessarily that I want to.
• It's possible to hang out with people who are drinking, even if I don't want to drink.
• Some fake wine is not so bad.
• Sometimes letting loose with a few drinks is ok, but not all the time or every time.

Things to work on next week:

• Substituting drinking for something besides fake wine.
• Energy/ stress levels - the alcohol does not seem to be the cause.

The Last Wine O'Clock

I've made a decision. One that may not be popular or easy to understand. But I've been pondering it for a few months now. And it's definitely the right time.

I'm giving up drinking alcohol.

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Before the bets start and the cries of "you tried this before," ring through the planet, let me explain.

I moved to Tasmania to enjoy the outdoors and kick a few more goals here than I could possibly kick in Sydney (insert league v AFL joke here). So far that hasn't happened. My job has been much more stressful than I would have thought, and the friends I've made to date, like to relieve their stress with a beer or wine after work. Couple that with a $10 taxi ride home from the pub, and it's just become TOO. DARN. EASY.

Living the dream, you say? Mates, cheap booze and cab? Well hang on Skippy, it's a bit more than that. You'll remember that I have this little condition called panhypopituitarism. That's right, not even Google spell check knows that one. It means my body doesn't make or regulate 5 chemicals, two of which are essential to live. Only in the last year have I been able to feel normal-ish by taking the supplements I've had prescribed after pain-staking 8 hour long tests and clinical trials.

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Since moving to Tassie, I've been a little off-kilter, more stressed, more agro and anxious and less satisfied with my life and my goals. On the days I don't meet the mates at the pub, I come home tired, with no self-discipline to do anything else, and the days I do meet them, nothing on my list gets done. I want to see if cutting out booze will make a difference.

No, I don't want you to donate money to a cause, and certainly don't buy me "days off:" That's not the point. It's about me meeting my goals and taking steps to do so. I won't put a time limit on this, but I have a goal in my mind. It may take a week, a month, a year, or forever. However it long it takes me to work out alcohol's place in my life.

It won't be easy. Now more than ever we live in an alcohol fueled culture. People who don't drink are seen as prudes or judgemental of those who do.  Trust me, you are quite welcome to find your own alcohol medium. And be a prude? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I was this way before alcohol ever touched my lips.

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What can YOU do? Just treat me as normal! When it's your shout, be okay that I'm getting a Lime and Soda or Ginger Ale. Keep the chiding down on Facebook! Nothing's changed. I'm still me. I'm just not drinking.

Last wine o'clock. I made it a good one. Thank you present from my last client for getting the project in on time. 2015 Coldstream Hills Pinot Noir.  Seriously, if this is the last alcohol I ever drink, I will die a happy woman.


Updates on how it's going coming up!